Bad at Communion?

First of all, E-U-C-H-A-R-I-S-T, see what the Eucharist means to me. Check it:

So much Marimba, so much legit Catholic doctrine. 

If I may be so bold and jump right in, I would just like to say that I think I'm bad at communion. Not that it matters all that much anyway, since it quite frankly is not about me, but about the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Mass. I want to be a good communion-er, ya know? Allow me to fully elaborate.

As Catholic Christians we believe that:

Jesus is Lord of our lives.

Jesus died for us.

Jesus rose from the dead. 

Jesus ascended into heaven.

Jesus is with us always.

The Eucharist is the BODY BLOOD SOUL AND DIVINITY OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.

       NOTE: This is class I, y'all (see below). Catholicize yourselves! 

Now, I know that this is a bit confusing, but take heart. The first thought that any reasonable person would naturally conclude while showering, eating cereal, walking on the beach, waiting for the bus, sitting on the toilet, or any other good thinkin' situation is that the Eucharist is made body and blood because by the consecration of bread and wine there takes place a change of the whole substance of the bread into the substance of the body of Christ our Lord and of the whole substance of wine into the substance of his blood. (CCC, 1376). It's basic knowledge. Real child's stuff, that Transubstantiation! 

So if you're a practicing Catholic who has the marvelous and miraculous privilege of receiving Jesus in the Eucharist and you're anything like me, consecration happens and your mind is far from blown. What? How? Why? Oh DUH, transubstantiation, obviously... And then you spend the better portion of those precious moments kneeling in front of the King in the Universe trying to reason with yourself that the King of the FREAKING Universe is actually there, and before you know it you're walking towards him like a bride walking down the aisle to her beloved, but you're face looks like this:

and you're all like, Are you there? Is it you? But then your puffed up I'm-such-a-good-Catholic-because-I-know-my-Catechism side is all like Transubstantiation. So you sigh. Body of Christ, Amen, sign of the Cross, take your seat, kneel, fold your hands, whew. And you can breathe....Story of my life.

The small tragedy hidden in the beautiful truth of the Eucharist is this. It's me, and it's you if you can identify with the above narrative. We've reduced the greatest miracle known to man to a doctrine. (Again, I speak for myself and any individuals who can identify, and not the entire Church). We have taken a beautiful mystery and pinned it down, trying to wrestle dominion over it with our puny intellects. As if.

Conclusion: The doctrine of transubstantiation is not a bad thing. Faith and reason go hand in hand. What may be a bad thing is wasting precious moments with our beloved, striving to prove to ourselves that he's really there instead of simply being still and knowing that he is God. The world embraces concrete answers, we as Christians embrace mysteries. Let us all proclaim; Take the world and give us Christ, give us a mystery. 

Why Blogging > Studying

Why is blogging for The 'Maiden (that's right I abbreviated it...author's rights y'all - GET SOME - (also, this parenthetical rant completely defeated the purpose of abbreviating, (& commence triple layer parentheses... (Quadruple, what now?!)))), so much better than studying for final exams? Funny you should ask. You see, this question is far from difficult for me to answer. The one that I'm really struggling with is whether to approach this using list-form, personal narrative, photographic journalism, equational logic, expressive praise + worship via my keyboard, or haiku. Ehhh Ahhhh Uggghh? All of the above? Challenge accepted. (I can't promise that my conciseness will improve. See above text. Obviously not.)

So here I was, studying my Biology slides. Oh, how fascinating, I thought to myself, Scala Naturae and System Naturae and plants and trees, whoa. It was then that I realized how much I needed another Diet Coke. Proceeding to retrieve this precious sustenance, I cracked that beauty open and my caffeine addiction was curbed. Addiction. Oh, this is bad. I gulped. What happened to temperance, self control, mortification of the senses? I value those things! Would Jesus allow himself to become addicted to a brew of carbonated water, artificial flavoring, aspartame, and caramel coloring?

As I began to have a small-scale debate in my head about the potential-modern-Jesus' caffeine habits - hold up. There it is. That name. JESUS. Hey, He's the love of my life. From this point onward, my once academically focused thoughts began to spiral downward (or upward, I suppose), into one huge

Holy, Holy, Holy, Is the Lord God Almighty 

Who was and is and is to come...

Just like this! But inside my head. 

Which is one reason that writing this is so much better than studying. See through SCIENCE we know that if A=B and B=C, then A=C. 

Blogging = Evangelization

Evangelization = Love

therefore,

Blogging =  Love

And as we all know, courtesy of Les Beatles:

...love is all you need.

So. By blogging I am actually doing the following wonderful and Oh-so-much better-than-studying kinds of things;

1. Evangelizing. Don't think that I'm planting the Jesus seed in your head right now? Think about something besides Jesus right now. It can be anything. Pancakes, laundry machines, don't think about Jesus, your mother, toenails, Spongebob Squarepants, don't you dare think about how much Jesus loves you, Justin Bieber, Jesus saves...Jesus. Jesus. And you've just been evangelized.

2. Loving you. Yes, you. Love means willing the good of another person. We've learned previously (See #1) that Jesus saves. Since I want that to happen to you, and it is for your utmost good that this does, I am writing about it that you may feast your eyes upon truth and therefore am loving you. You know who else loves you? Jesus Christ. How do I know? He died to know you and to be with you for all o eternity. That's pretty legitimate. Look! I even wrote a haiku about it so that those of us who are artistically inclined can be moved by this awesome truth as well...

Jesus.

The Lord loves you lots

He loves you so stinking much

Jesus loves you lots

...Yes, this is what I learn in college. Maybe next time I'll write a sonnet. Or a limerick. 

3. Embracing my duty as a baptized member of Christ's Holy Catholic Church. (See also #1) Basically big fancy words for: I got dunked therefore I'm God's child and must tell everybody I know that said dunking saved my life. Seriously, Baptism. Try it out. Also, don't be afraid of a little water. We have a lifeguard who walks on water at your disposal. 

4. Spending time investing in the kingdom of heaven. How could I not give everything to Jesus, even my free time and the fear of what others may think of me if I boldly proclaim his word? If I was infinitely sunken in a horrible dept, only an infinite source of currency could pay my dues fully. Jesus wants to do this. He wants to pay our debts and then offer us a safe place for our treasures. I would make a safe bet that if I was offered a savings account with an infinite interest rate, I'd fork over every last cent and treasure I own! Not just the nickels and dimes I find between the cushions, either. Nope. I'd invest every last gold bar, diamond, Franklin, (as if I possessed these things)...the good stuff. Jesus is the same way. He wants the stuff that matters most to us, even the most valuable of these that we keep locked safe away from harm. Contrary to worldly tradition, this is not so that he can take our assets and invest in Walmart. He does this so he can polish, multiply, and store away our treasures for all of eternity with him. I'm all in, are you? 

So there you have it. Reasons that writing about the LORD of the UNIVERSE is much better/more fruitful/virtuous than studying for exams. I suppose I could have just said;

Because my goal in this life is to get to heaven and bring as many people with me as I can. 

But that just seemed too easy. 

Miniature Martyrdom

Sometimes I wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy. Sometimes I don't. Let me clarify, more often I don't. Usually I open my eyes, the light hits them and I grimace. Cross eyed, I struggle out of bed. My feet hit the floor and I can practically hear the Schindler's List violin theme playing as I lament at what could have been; more sleep. Once in a blue moon I can even feel my pulse behind my eyeballs as my head throbs to the beat of some delusional dubstep inside my skull.

Usually, though, I don't take tylenol. It's not that I enjoy it when my eyeballs feel like subwoofers, I really don't. I think that it makes me feel like a mini-martyr, it gives me some kind of sick satisfaction to suffer through the little rave going on inside by skull aaaalllll by myself...as if I'm some kind of venerable doctor of the church or something. (Human pride manifested through "holiness" at its finest, my friends.)

See, if I was Therese Martin I would rejoice in this tiny suffering, that I may offer it up to the Lord. Every day she fell asleep in prayer. She was so weak that she could barely keep up with the simple household chores. Life in the convent was very difficult for her, yet she suffered through each small tribulation for her beloved, until she began coughing up blood. During those last days as she was gasping for air, I know she was gasping for heaven, for Jesus, in utter anticipation. Therese only needed 24 years to become a B-B-B-Bad to the Bone Catholic. I anticipate that I will need at least 4 of those lifetimes, if I'm lucky....

So, how do I get my morning-self from Point A, which is this:

To Point B:

St. Perpetua: Martyr of the Church/Total Boss.

See, the problem with martyrdom is that you can't bring it on yourself. Otherwise it's suicide. And then you're a murderer...which just sucks. What you can do, however, is accept it when it shows up in any form. Welcome the punch and embrace the kick to your gut as if it's the holy cross itself. Just like St. Therese. Just like Jesus. 

Saint Perpetua is my favorite example of this. After being sentenced to death for her refusal to renounce Christ as her Lord, she was thrown to the wild beasts to be torn apart. This brave lady didn't take it like a skittish death-sentenced captive, though. No. She entered into that arena a bride running down the aisle to meet her beloved, and she was. Meet you at the altar, honey? Oh no, not this one. More like, I'll meet you at the sword, after the bull and tiger-romp, my dearest.


 Not buh-dass enough for you? The most chilling, rocking, absolute BAD TO THE BONE moment about this whole ordeal is her slaughter. After a few failed attempts by a nervous and quite amateur executioner, she reached out her hand and quietly guided the sword to her neck. Oh death, where is thy sting? Yep. Not only did she live that way, she died that way. 

I want to be like that, guys. I want to give him every fiber of my being - even the beat in my heart and the breath in my lungs, in some way at some time. I realize that my chances of an actual slaughter for his holy name isn't exactly in the cards for me, (although you never know), but I want to be that type of Christian so badly. The type that gets out of bed for him. The type that stays up an extra hour to speak to him. The type that slays any aspect of her life that doesn't honor him. That welcomes the sword of shame from this world for his name's sake. The kind of Christian that drops everything and welcomes martyrdom, just as Perpetua did when the soldiers came knocking at her front door asking, "Are you one of them?"  May we always answer with her same words, "I cannot call myself by any other name than what I am - a Christian." 

A Simple Argument Against the Craziness

I agree with pro-choicers. There, I said it. Abortion is a personal and private matter that should not be restricted in any way. We shouldn't interfere with one's personal choices. Pro-lifers, and everybody for that matter, should stay out of this decision, I agree completely if....IF. That lovely little game changer - IF. If what? If the unborn are not human beings.

Any argument for abortion will always lead back to this so called "minor detail" - the humanity of the unborn. A woman's right to her body, the freedom to choose, cases of rape and incest, financial and/or lifestyle stability will inevitably come full circle back to this fact. The unborn are human beings with inherent dignity, value, and potential, regardless of any of the above variables. Which leads me to the point at which I put on my thinking cap, (Pro-choicers, you should try it sometime), and pull out some good old fashioned logic.

Top 4 Arguments against the humanity and value of the unborn person:

"A person's a person no matter how small."

Size. This is not relevant to the worth of a human being. Is a tall person worth more than a short person? Or how about somebody with dwarfism. Absolutely not! I thought we learned this as foolish children when we choose the nickel over the dime....

Level of Development. A human being's level of development does not determine their value as a person, much less their very humanity. A 3 year old is much less developed than a 15 year old, yet they still qualify as a human being. Self awareness and mental functioning fall under this argument as well. If these factored in to our status of humanity, infants shouldn't be considered human beings, nor those who are comatose, have Alzheimer's disease, or are sleeping. Hence this ridiculousness goes down the drain along with this argument.


Environment. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to point out that the value of a person is absolutely not dependent on their whereabouts or environment. Our value doesn't fluctuate as we cross the street, the city, or the world. So, tell me pro-choicers, how is it that the value and actual humanity of the unborn skyrockets from 0 to infinity throughout the 8-inch journey down the birth canal? Hmmm....inconsistency at its finest.


Degree of Dependency. Since when does viability=humanity, I must ask? If a fetus is not a human being because it can't survive without the support of its mother's body, then the humanity of the diabetic dependent on insulin is under attack. So is that of those who fully depend on medications, dialysis, life support, or even the life-saving interventions of another person. Assuming the argument that viability is the new humanity, and for the sake of  consistent philosophy, conjoined twins should be stripped of their human nature and right to life, as they share blood and body systems. Offensive? Absolutely. So is this argument.

We would be wise to ditch these arguments as a culture, and fast. For we have been guaranteed the inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Take note, society, that the first of these three rights is absolutely necessary in order to be granted the latter two, and as we scream for justice in the name of "women's rights", we are denying an abominable amount of the future generation's right to simply BE BORN. 


Life is not a choice. Human dignity cannot be determined. It simply is.